Absent

I’ve been gone for a while… again. Not sure why I can’t get onto the bandwagon when it comes to WordPress. I feel like i’ll never gain a following on here, and while I know that that shouldn’t be my motivation to write it, shamefully, is. I do love writing, but I also love having an audience and getting feedback from said audience. It’s funny, i’m not an overly social person “in real life” but I love communicating through the internet and through social media. With that being said, what 19 year old doesn’t? I’m considering posting the link to my Tumblr if I haven’t already, I have a more consistent presence on there and sometimes (rarely) write about my life.

Change of topic, woohoo! Today was the election and my first time voting, i’m officially an adult in the eyes of the law (sort of, I still can’t drink) so this was a pretty exciting milestone. Tonight will be spent biting my nails and searching for a hard wall in my house to bang my head against if the election doesn’t go the way I would like. I’m hoping by the end of the night i’ll be singing “Never gonna be president now!” (Hamilton reference, if you get that we should be friends) about the candidate that I strongly dislike. Oh boy, we’re in for a long night!

Quiet? I don’t think so!

It’s a bit busy in my house today. Maybe more than just a “bit” actually. Gardeners are outside pulling weeds which have taken over the “garden” that we have and are probably up to my neck, though they aren’t making much noise. Then we have 2 guys in the basement ripping up flooring because yet another pipe burst which led to water leaking which then leads to more lovely mold. Woohoo! Our cleaning lady was also here this morning, though she left a bit ago. So all in all, today has been loud and busy.

Yesterday consisted of PT and a glutathione injection, so that was fun (please note the sarcasm). PT is something I look forward to, but getting stabbed with a needle… not so much. Seems like my ankle is going through yet another “phase” of throwing tantrums and has been refusing to calm down for the last month or so. We’re not exactly sure what’s going on as the pain has increased and my motor control isn’t getting any better. It can be a bit frustrating for me so right now i’m trying to just get through it. We used ultrasound on the side of my ankle yesterday to help with pain, along with massage… did anybody say OW?! It looks like a lot more of the hands on therapy is in my future which is fine by me, it can just be a bit painful. Even so, it’s clear that you don’t get through life unscathed, so it is what it is for now. i’m lucky to have such a great physical therapist who is extremely knowledgable and is helping me get through this + is helping to keep me in a positive mental place along the way.

Today is just a boring day at home though so really I have nothing even relatively interesting to talk about. I upgraded my Iphone to IOS10 which i’m loving so far, and The Sims announced a new expansion pack which i’m excited about. I’m a bit of a techy kid, but what teenager isn’t these days?

So for now, that’s all. My dog is staring at me and clearly wants something which means I better figure it what she wants ASAP. She’s a 4 year old terrier so ignoring her isn’t exactly an option! Who knows when you’ll hear from me again or if you even want to hear from me again. Stay strong and take things day by day! Bye for now 🙂

A little blogging hiatus

Well I haven’t written in a while. I’m not exactly sure why i’m surprised as *sadly* I have never really been able to follow through on this kind of thing since i’ve been sick. Oh well, i’m back now and that’s what matters.

So since the last time I wrote things haven’t exactly been going very well. To sum it up, i’m getting sicker… or am stuck at a “sicker” level if that makes sense. I was in the hospital for a few days recently because my pain skyrocketed to an unimaginable level that I just couldn’t handle. I have an extremely high pain tolerance (even my pt has remarked at how high it is) yet this was just not something I could tolerate. Thankfully instead of now being a 10+ it is hovering around a 6-7, which for me personally is manageable and tolerable. I saw one pain management specialist last week and am seeing another tomorrow for a second opinion as this new flare of pain is showing no signs of relenting. Queue the sigh. I also have to go get an echocardiogram of my heart since they thought they saw something going on with my heart while I was in the hospital. Because of that and the residents there being extra-cautious, I spent some quality time with a lovely heart monitor. It was a fun time (total sarcasm, fyi) but boy am I glad to be rid of that thing. So back to the echocardiogram. That really isn’t a big deal at all and i’ve had one before, just another appointment. That’s at the end of this week. Then next week I meet with the cardiologist to go over results and all that fun stuff. Yay.

But alas, the fun doesn’t stop there! I think in the first week of September I get to go see a lovely hematologist to try and figure something out as well as schedule iron infusions. I’m sure she is very nice, but again, it’s another doctor and another appointment. This 18 year old is tuckered out and just can’t seem to find a break right now. Taking things one day at a time and trying to find joy in the little things that life has to offer. Would love to hear how everyone else is doing! Stay strong and take things one day at a time!

Hello Sunshine!

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping. Things are getting better, day by day.

Today was a big day. Anyone who knows me knows that I HATED my braces. Hate isn’t even a strong enough word, I despised those things and dreaded orthodontist appointments. Out of everything i’ve been through, all the shots and pain, the orthodontist was the thing that freaked me out the most. Kinda funny! I have been really wanting these things off for 4-5 months now and pretty much begging my mom to let me get them off. Thankfully she has been on board the entire time and left it up to me. 4-5 months ago though I still wasn’t happy with what my teeth looked like as they were not 100% straight and the gaps weren’t closed. Well thanks to some rubber bands those gaps closed. Long story short, I decided to go be a bitchy teenager in the orthodontist’s office today (with my mom’s approval) and demand they take them off. So that’s exactly what they did. I refused to let up and maybe even shed a tear or two. With everything going on the last thing I need right now is to stress over stupid braces! I turn 18 in less than a week (crazy, right?) so my mom has been giving me more freedom and independence and allowing me to make decisions for myself. It’s a great feeling. My braces are off now and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders + I love how my teeth look! Really straight and they look fantastic if I do say so myself. Though I hated those braces, i’m grateful that I was able to have them.

Also, on Saturday i’ll be picking up my new car! Here comes more independence! Can’t wait, this is a huge step for me and i’m very eager for it. Then next week I turn 18! So it’s safe to say that today i’m in a great mood and i’m going to enjoy every single minute of it!

AND the biggest thing of all, my mom’s friend GOT A MATCHING KIDNEY DONOR. She has been waiting such a long time and I am BEYOND thrilled for her.

Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in!

Daze

5/27/15

Every day is a daze. More often than not, it’s the same routine. Get up, brush my teeth, slowly and quietly drag my feet down the hallway. I make my way down the stairs to the kitchen and over to quietly wake my dogs up. This is how my morning starts, every day. This is my routine, something that I know for sure will be and can be the same every morning. It’s reliable, this routine is reliable. It’s something that will be something I can rely on and won’t have to think about.

I wish I could say that the rest of my life was such a routine. When you live with a chronic illness, especially one that effects your brain in a way that it does mine, you are constantly searching for that “reliable” routine. That routine is comforting because you know it’ll be the same and you don’t have to worry about anything else, you don’t have to think about any change that you may encounter in other situations in life. Going through my day can be and often is a challenge. Communicating with others that I don’t talk to every day often makes me nervous. This results in me blanking on words even more or stuttering. Not a big deal, but I don’t like it and it frustrates me. Oh if only you could get a “script” of the conversations you’d have that day in advance! That would make my life so much easier, at least then I could plan what to say haha.

Today wasn’t a horrible day. I didn’t cry at the barn so that’s a plus! I’ll be able to pick up my new car this weekend which is very exciting but nerve wracking. I’ll also be starting my new protocol of supplements this weekend…. yikes. Taking tomorrow to rest (Thursday) and then i’ll be spending some time with the pony this weekend. I’ve pushed my body today so now it’s time to go rest! Hope everyone is doing well and hanging in.

Things are lookin’ up

5/26/15

I hadn’t written for a few days because frankly I was in a very bad mood. Things weren’t going my way and saying that I was extremely stressed about this whole new diet is an understatement. The idea of getting rid of pretty much every single thing i’m used to and replacing it with foods that i’m not used to was really getting on my nerves. Lets just say I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around.

I also had a really bad lesson on Sunday. I was already in a bad mood and was upset and then my trainer went and yelled at me for a good 30 minutes. It was my fault because I wasn’t riding well, but still, it wasn’t what I needed. So yeah that ended in tears. Second time in two weeks… how embarrassing.

I had tutoring for school today as well. It went as well as it could considering i’m back to not sleeping at all, getting horrendous headaches, and feeling extremely crappy all around. Even though I wasn’t feeling well for whatever reason I decided that it would be a good idea to go bounce on the trampoline. Didn’t go on it once… or twice… but three times. And did a loooooot of jumping. It was so much fun but now i’m paying for it. Still haven’t learned my lesson, i’m sure i’ll be back on it in the next week or so!

So that is all. Hopefully will get back on track with writing. For now i’m going to go snuggle under some fuzzy blankets and watch Netflix! I’m sure the next few days will be better and more hopeful, but only time will tell. Oh! And I turn 18 a week from tomorrow. Really hoping that 18 will be a great year and i’ll be able to get back to being a kid. Hope everyone is hanging in and staying strong 🙂

Annoyed

5/23/15

I turn 18 in a week and all I want is freedom. Freedom to be a kid, freedom to make choices of my own. Freedom to decide what I want, not what someone else wants, for myself. I’m old enough and mature enough (I think) to know what would be the right path for me is or the right decisions.

My naturopath is demanding that I remove all computers and cell phones, and pretty much everything plugged in, from my room. This has me extremely annoyed. I am a typical 18 year old teenager who is attached to her cell phone and computer. I’m a social person even though i’m sick and am constantly texting friends until late at night or am on FB talking to people. Along with that I also have this blog which I am keen to keep using and writing on, and I do my best writing in my room at night. At least I think so. So this whole idea of “cut yourself off entirely and make it even more evident that you’re different” is not one I am fond of… at all.

This seems stupid, i’m sure, but this is one thing that I am NOT going to do. I am sleeping better since he adjusted my back and haven’t had nightmares so someone please tell me why the hell I have to remove them from my room. I DO NOT WANT TO. I have been sleeping with them for years and have never had any problems sleeping until I got sick, which is definitely from the Lyme. I do not believe that computers and my cell phone (all of which are turned off at bedtime) could be or would be disturbing my sleep. It’s stupid. Cut me off and isolate me a little more than ya already have, will ya? Jeeze! I swear sometimes doctors are aiming to cut me off from everyone and make my life just that much harder and more isolating. Even my mom is on his side. UGHHHH. It’s stupid and i’m not a happy camper tonight.