So it’s the new year… and i’ve been no where to be found… oops. Thanks to my friend for pointing out my absence or else I may have never made my way back. Gotta keep you on your toes, no? Posting schedules are overrated (this is heavy sarcasm, please no one attack me).
NEW PONY! YAY! He’s a 19 year old Westphalian. Until he leaves in June, i’ll refer to him as “Pig”. I still miss the Dutch Warmblood I had more than anything and he’ll always be my heart horse. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t regret letting him go.
Physical therapy- It has been up and down. My motor control hasn’t gotten any better so we’ve now added myofascial release to the never ending list of treatments. It isn’t helping so far if i’m being honest, and i’m not the biggest fan of it, but i’ll give it a chance.
School- I don’t know if i’ve touched on this recently or at all. I’m a senior but won’t be graduating until late this summer/sometime in the fall. Basically i’m just catching up on classes and making up for time that Lyme stole from me.
Health wise- Seems like the lyme + co-infections are out of my system and now we’re just looking at dealing with the “consequences” of Lyme. I’m still working with my acupuncturist, physical therapist (obviously) and now the myfascial release guy.
That’s all for now. I know I don’t have many readers at all, BUT if anyone has suggestions as to what you’d like to hear from me that would be very helpful 🙂
Yeah, maybe things have changed a bit. Maybe i’m facing a chronic illness, maybe i’m facing one that is even threatening to take my life. Either way, please try to remember that i’m still me. I know things are different than they used to be and that my world, and maybe yours, has been turned upside down and spun 180 degrees. I might be too sick to get out of bed some days, or have to cancel plans last minute because I just don’t feel up to going out. Trust me, I don’t want it to be this way and though things may have changed, I don’t want you to treat me differently. I want to be that fun loving, excitable, and happy go lucky person that you used to know and somewhere beneath all of my symptoms, I still am that person.
I’m still that person that you shared many laughs with. I’m still that person that you hung out with and talked for hours on end about irrelevant drama with. I’m still that person that you ran around while we were screaming at the tops of our lungs, having not a care in the world. I’m still that person that you stayed up with until 3am binge movies and eating all the junk food we could get our hands on. I’m still that person that you came to when life just wasn’t going your way, and you needed someone who understood. I’m still that person you knew way before all of this happened. As much as things have changed, please help me keep some kind of normalcy in my life. I don’t want to forget the person that I used to be, and I don’t want you to forget it either. I don’t want our amazing memories to fade into the background of my new reality, wether this reality be just for now or for forever. I’m trying to keep those memories alive because right now i’m fighting to get that person back.
No matter what, don’t forget about that effervescent person that you used to know. It might be challenging for the eye to see, but please look just a little bit harder. Beneath the shell of my exhausted body and behind the tears that I occasionally shed, I am still in here. Please don’t forget about the real me.
I’ve been gone for a while… again. Not sure why I can’t get onto the bandwagon when it comes to WordPress. I feel like i’ll never gain a following on here, and while I know that that shouldn’t be my motivation to write it, shamefully, is. I do love writing, but I also love having an audience and getting feedback from said audience. It’s funny, i’m not an overly social person “in real life” but I love communicating through the internet and through social media. With that being said, what 19 year old doesn’t? I’m considering posting the link to my Tumblr if I haven’t already, I have a more consistent presence on there and sometimes (rarely) write about my life.
Change of topic, woohoo! Today was the election and my first time voting, i’m officially an adult in the eyes of the law (sort of, I still can’t drink) so this was a pretty exciting milestone. Tonight will be spent biting my nails and searching for a hard wall in my house to bang my head against if the election doesn’t go the way I would like. I’m hoping by the end of the night i’ll be singing “Never gonna be president now!” (Hamilton reference, if you get that we should be friends) about the candidate that I strongly dislike. Oh boy, we’re in for a long night!
Look at that, i’m back already! Today has been a bit of a rough day, so I thought i’d include a picture of Patrick Dempsey posing with a gorgeous horse to cheer myself up. Why not, right? I had PT today and kinda got slapped in the face with reality. Truth is, my ankle isn’t holding up well and isn’t happy with me. Despite my desperate pleas for it to settle down, it has taken on quite an attitude and has been throwing impressive tantrums. *Sigh* there are just some battles you just can’t win. I’ll be taking 1-2 weeks off of riding (mark my words, it will be no longer than that) to hopefully allow the pain to calm down so we can focus on improving my motor control, which will help me ride more comfortably and effectively than I can at the moment. While I admit that I almost broke down crying when I was told that I needed this tiny bit of time off, i’m okay now and am moving forward. I’ll be back soon, and better than ever.
It’s a bit busy in my house today. Maybe more than just a “bit” actually. Gardeners are outside pulling weeds which have taken over the “garden” that we have and are probably up to my neck, though they aren’t making much noise. Then we have 2 guys in the basement ripping up flooring because yet another pipe burst which led to water leaking which then leads to more lovely mold. Woohoo! Our cleaning lady was also here this morning, though she left a bit ago. So all in all, today has been loud and busy.
Yesterday consisted of PT and a glutathione injection, so that was fun (please note the sarcasm). PT is something I look forward to, but getting stabbed with a needle… not so much. Seems like my ankle is going through yet another “phase” of throwing tantrums and has been refusing to calm down for the last month or so. We’re not exactly sure what’s going on as the pain has increased and my motor control isn’t getting any better. It can be a bit frustrating for me so right now i’m trying to just get through it. We used ultrasound on the side of my ankle yesterday to help with pain, along with massage… did anybody say OW?! It looks like a lot more of the hands on therapy is in my future which is fine by me, it can just be a bit painful. Even so, it’s clear that you don’t get through life unscathed, so it is what it is for now. i’m lucky to have such a great physical therapist who is extremely knowledgable and is helping me get through this + is helping to keep me in a positive mental place along the way.
Today is just a boring day at home though so really I have nothing even relatively interesting to talk about. I upgraded my Iphone to IOS10 which i’m loving so far, and The Sims announced a new expansion pack which i’m excited about. I’m a bit of a techy kid, but what teenager isn’t these days?
So for now, that’s all. My dog is staring at me and clearly wants something which means I better figure it what she wants ASAP. She’s a 4 year old terrier so ignoring her isn’t exactly an option! Who knows when you’ll hear from me again or if you even want to hear from me again. Stay strong and take things day by day! Bye for now 🙂
Whoops… I haven’t exactly been blogging. Not that people read this as it’s more of a way for myself to keep track of my progress, but still. Here’s a quick update of sorts…
Physical therapy: It’s going well and i’m trying to be patient as my motor control inches (centimeters would be better, but that’s not a real term) forward. I took a few steps back about 3 weeks ago and though we’re not sure why it happened, we’re trying to get me back to where I was. Slowly but surely i’ll get there, just have to be patient with myself.
Riding: WOOOO! Big one here. I’m allowed to jump again! I do have to tape my ankle and be sure not to overdo it, but i’m SO happy to be jumping again. I missed it oh so much and it feels good to be back in hunter land where I belong.
Health: Uhhh…. not really sure about this one as of right now. I’m in limbo I guess you could say. I had a setback a few weeks ago where I felt absolutely awful, but i’ve since recovered from that episode. I’m almost back to my baseline, just not quite there yet. I should have bloodwork results back pretty soon and i’ll see my doctor again at the end of this month so i’m hoping for some answers. We’ll see.
Random: I am still oh so obsessed with Hamilton… very, very, obsessed. Something about it just speaks to me and I can always find something in the music to help me through a rough patch. Love it.
That’s all for now, maybe i’ll be back soon, maybe I won’t. Who knows. Goodnight all!
Not sure what’s up. Don’t really know how to put into words what i’m feeling other than angry and exhausted. Couldn’t tell you why i’m angry or why i’ve been lashing out at everyone and everything for the past 2 weeks, I just kinda am. Not feeling well and not feeling like myself, that’s for sure.
I ordered a “Giving Key” today and it has a pretty cool concept behind it. They have a bunch of words you can choose from, or you can come up with a custom one (up to 9 letters) which is what I did. Once I fulfill and find solace in “Quiet” (the word I chose) i’ll pass the key onto someone who needs it more than I do. I’ll be holding onto it for a while, but once i’m ready, it’ll be sent to someone who is close to my heart and I think needs it just as much as I do. I can’t wait to get it and wear it as a reminder to find my quiet place in even the most stressful of times. If you want to check them out i’ll leave the link below. I hope everyone is doing okay and i’ll definitely be writing more, you guys will be sick of me! Goodnight everyone, stay strong.