Walking on Eggshells

I am currently feeling sad, frustrated, and unmotivated. I got up this morning in a fairly fowl mood which wasn’t surprising considering that recently I haven’t been much of a morning person. No big deal and I went on with my morning to get ready for physical therapy, as I do twice a week. Normally PT will put me in a better mood, but even today it couldn’t kick the mood I was in. It was a good session considering I rolled my ankle again the other day and had a not so hot lesson yesterday, but I still left feeling agitated, which is far from how I typically feel afterwards. This mood has continued throughout today so it has been a bit of a rough one for me. It’s okay and I know tomorrow will be better, but damn, today was hard. I’ve lashed out at my mom a few times (sorry mom) as well as my dad which he frankly, deserved. Not even “Hamilton” is pulling me out of this rut tonight, AKA those of you around me better run and hide, like now.

I’ve been known to set a little “too high” standards for myself and the last few days i’ve been shoved back into reality so maybe that’s the source of this mood. Between riding and PT, I have high expectations for myself and when I don’t reach those it frustrates the hell out of me. Instead of admitting that something is hard for me, i’ll find any way to swerve around admitting it. Now this has been going on a while and my PT has said a few times “There is no denial in the Nile”. You have to admit defeat to move forward at times, and I guess that’s where I stand at the moment, and it frustrates and confuses me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and if I find the motivation to get myself out to the barn, that i’ll have a good ride.

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