The Future

The other day I was asked a question that took me by surprise and felt as if it required some thought. I still haven’t really responded in the way I would like, so I guess this is one way of doing it. A new found friend of mine (knew him back in middle school but we were never close or really ever talked) asked me if I was afraid of the future. My first instinct was to say “Hell no” and that’s what it was left at. Living with a chronic illness is scary,that’s an understatement, it can be absolutely terrifying. Each day varies in symptoms so you go to bed one night not knowing what the next day will be like. The change in symptoms from sunset to sunrise is astounding and unbelievable at times. Would I ever willingly admit I am scared? Nope. Am I terrified? Nope. But, am I scared? A little, yes. I’m an 18 year old kid who at 15 got sick and entered the adult world of medical jumble. This new world was unwelcome as I had entered it much quicker than I had ever anticipated. I wasn’t prepared in the least and I still had a VERY strong phobia of needles. That was terrifying, but i’m not terrified now. I’ve learned a lot from this whole thing and one of the biggest lessons has been not to dwell. Don’t dwell on the not so great past, don’t dwell on symptoms, don’t dwell on things in life that are bringing you down. Dwelling on the negative will only bring misery, so why do it? Instead, look where you are now and find the little ray of sunshine in each situation. It’s tough and probably not always possible, but it does help when you can find a little positive in such a huge negative. So though in the past I was absolutely terrified and facing the prospect of living the rest of my life in pain, i’m now trying to continue moving forward. I’m not scared of the future because every single day is different. No two days are 100% the same. I can’t look into a future and be scared about it when I don’t know what it will hold. I know as of right now more negatives will come my way, but I also hope and know that more positives will accompany them. I’m standing strong and living in the moment, things can always change.

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